*Disclaimer - I haven’t completely figured this out yet; however, I will share my thoughts, experiences, and struggles with you thus far...
Let’s be clear from the beginning: I “love” my job. Well, it’s a love-hate relationship similar to that of people who’ve been married for 50 years and know the good, the bad, and the ugly about each other. I’m a secondary school English teacher (middle and high school Language Arts and Humanities to be precise) at a Montessori school located in the foothills of the Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains.
Yes, teaching is my self-chosen profession. No, I didn’t decide to be a teacher because I didn’t know what else to do with my English degree after college. Yes, I knew what I was getting myself into (sort of). No, I don’t plan on being rich (*sigh*). Yes, I love children. No, I don’t sleep much. Yes, my life is a constant balancing act at which it seems I often fail miserably. No, I don’t have much “free time” during the week. Yes, I get the “summers off” but (contrary to popular belief) I do quite a bit of work during that time. No, I don’t regret my decision to become a teacher. Yes, I love my job: it’s an amazing, joyous, exciting, and at times exhausting, stressful, frustrating, yet fulfilling and inspirational career. So how does one balance work, training, racing, and life? I have no idea...but here are a few things that I’ve learned over the last 20+ years of being an athlete (with help from various friends, family members, mentors, and coaches):
1. Give yourself permission to say “NO” - This is a wonderful piece of advice that I received a few years ago from a good friend, former colleague, and teaching mentor (Nancy). I often find myself loaded down with commitments that I have made to other people which leaves me feeling exhausted, frustrated, and stressed. Most of the time, there are things that I have brought upon myself due to a fear or inability to tell anyone “No” or “Sorry, I can’t commit to that right now”. I even go so far as to offer my help and volunteer to do things even when I know full-well that it will leave me feeling overwhelmed and overcommitted. However, something inside of me wants to help people and feels a strong desire to always be the person others can rely on when something is needed. I pride myself on being that “go-to” person, yet it is also my downfall. Here is a good example: While sitting in a staff meeting one day (probably close to 5 years ago), the Head of School asked if someone could take on a new project. At the time, I was working 5 different jobs (teaching middle school English, coaching high school cross-country and track, teaching night classes at a local community college, working retail at a bike shop on weekends, and teaching fitness classes at a local gym a few times a week) as well as trying to train and race. My head told me not to volunteer for the project, but my heart felt otherwise. No one else was coming forward and I wanted to help. As I was about to speak up, Nancy turned to me and whispered: “Don’t raise your hand!” What?! I thought. How could I not volunteer to help? “Put your hand down!” she snapped, grabbing my arm and holding it still. In that moment, I felt conflicted, but for once I didn’t raise my hand. Later, when we were alone, Nancy gave me some of the most useful advice I’ve ever received: “Give yourself permission to say ‘No’ sometimes. It will change your life.” The next year, I quit half of my jobs and started focusing on a few things rather than a handful. I learned (and am still learning) that trying to be a master, or mistress, of many tasks just results in mediocrity: A Jane of all trades is the Queen of none.
2. Make time for yourself - This is a big one! R&R, what’s that? I used to ask myself the same question. Being a teacher and, as stated before, someone who has a tendency to overcommit herself, I find that there isn’t much “me time” left at the end of the day. This can become a problem especially for someone who is somewhat of an ambivert (possessing qualities of both an introvert and extrovert). It’s important for all of us, extroverts and introverts alike, to make time for ourselves. When this doesn’t happen, stress, anxiety, frustration, fatigue, or any number of negative issues can manifest. For me, all of the above occur.
After a long day at school surrounded by multiple people, personalities, challenges, and issues, I get home and just want to be alone and in silence. However, this doesn’t always happen, but it’s a necessary aspect of life especially when trying to balance various responsibilities and commitments: work, sports, hobbies, relationships (friends, family, partners), health, finances, and self-preservation. I have learned that in order to do this, I must first prioritize. This can be a challenge when the list and order constantly changes depending on people, interests, time of year, and any number of unexpected occurrences. Nonetheless, having a rough understanding of where everything in your life fits in relation to everything else is necessary.
For most people, relationships and health are (or should be) at the top then comes work, finances, hobbies, and sports. What is often missing in this equation, however, is the concept of “self-preservation” (or making time for oneself). We forget or push aside our own needs in order to make time for everything else on our list. While it is important to follow through with commitments and fulfill our responsibilities (*see paragraph #1), we must also MAKE TIME FOR OURSELVES or all else is lost. In short, it’s okay to go home after work and tell your family that you need some “me time” or to stop working on that project and give yourself a little free time to just sit quietly and relax.
I recently had a discussion about this with my students: it’s important to take breaks when working or studying to give our brains time to reset and recharge. Studies say that people actually work better and more efficiently when they split their work up into smaller chunks of time with periodic breaks rather than try to work continuously for an extended period of time. We need to put our lives on “pause” now and again in order to complete a task or fulfill our responsibilities. It’s also necessary that we stop every now and then just to “check-in” with ourselves during the day/week/month/year: How am I feeling? What do I need? Am I overdoing it? Do I need to take a break and rest? Am I overcommitting myself? These are some of the questions we should be constantly asking ourselves in order to maintain self-preservation. “I don’t have time for that!” you say? Well, I counter your statement with another question: How important are YOU to YOURSELF? The answer should be very because you matter, and you aren’t going to do anyone any good if you are exhausted or overstressed. Sit down, have a drink, and relax.
3. Forgive yourself when things don’t go as planned (a.k.a. Give yourself a break!) The final component to this triad is self-forgiveness. To be completely honest, I am terrible at this. I find it much easier to forgive others than to forgive myself. Why? Because we athletes are often perfectionists who are hard on ourselves. However, we must not dwell on the negative and beat ourselves up when things don’t go as planned because life is a series of unplanned events. I know: easier said than done. When in this situation, I usually try to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and that at some point in the future, I will be happy that things worked out the way they did because it made space for something better to come along or taught me a valuable life lesson. I know what you are thinking right now: “That’s an unrealistic and obnoxiously positive way to approach life; sometimes bad things DON’T happen for a reason, they just suck!” Yes, this is true. Being optimistic and looking at the glass half full isn’t just about being positive. That’s only the tip of the iceberg. Optimism requires positive thought mixed with faith, a bit of hope, and a dash of trust. It’s about remaining hopeful when things go “wrong” and reminding ourselves that sometimes (quite often, in fact) we don’t have control of our lives.
I’m not trying to push some kind of spiritual or religious agenda here. We each have our own belief system and understanding of who or what dictates our lives. My point, however, is that sometimes we need to let ourselves off the hook and just “ride it out” (pun intended). No one is perfect no matter how hard we try. So give yourself a break! I, too, am still working on this one. . .
Thanks for reading my blog. Leave a message or comment below if you have questions or something interesting to add. I am getting ready to head to Reno, NV for the Cyclocross National Championships in January. My next post will be a reflection of this season. Have a Happy New Year! See you in 2018 :-)
*Photo credit: Lauren Hammer, Jason Calderon, Greg Gibson, and Chris Howell
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